Back Then

God I miss the vacant sun-drenched 
rooms of my twenties. The stick and 
paper furniture and white-white walls. 
Books stacked high in the dusty light 
from my tall bright windows. Snapping 
photos at Dutch angles and posting them 
in washed-out grainy filters. The young 
skin and actual cigarettes instead of 
sucking on plastic juicy-fruit-flavored 
boxes. Those long drives with boys or 
alone down curving country roads when I 
needed to unwind. Going out four nights 
a week and still showing up for work the 
next day in goddamn heels. Feeling like I 
could fuck up a little and things would 
still be okay. Feeling like my future was 
waiting to give itself to me wrapped in 
shiny paper and bows. Feeling like 
somewhere out there was a me whose 
dreams had come true. I used to think 
nostalgia was just about missing the way 
things were. But you miss yourself too. 
Younger you. The one without all that 
pain around her eyes and mouth.

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Hey, you. Thanks for stopping by.

I know I don’t usually post two days in a row, but here we are. One from the growing backlog I’ve got piling up.

I write a lot more than I post. Probably due to fear if I’m honest. So I’m working on pushing stuff through more often. I don’t like fucking fear making my decisions.

Hope you enjoyed reading Back Then. Did it remind you of any of your own misspent youth?

I used to hate the saying “Youth is wasted on the young,” but now I find myself thinking it’s true. You really can’t see the fullness of a time like that from inside it. You can’t grasp it for the fleeting thing it is. You just wish it away on tomorrows you think are promised to you …

Anyway, thank you for being here and reading all of this. Various buttons are below if applicable. I cannot express how much I appreciate your comments, hearts, and shares. Y’all make me want to keep coming back here. 🖤